THERE’S HOPE ON THE SLOPE

There was a horrific crime in my former community that caused the death of a much-wanted baby before it was viable. Everyone was horrified and immensely saddened for the family. Yet, within days, both sides of the abortion issue revved up their tired old motors, motors that are deafening but never get anyone anywhere. Pro-lifers saw a chance to advance their cause, and pro-choicers were on high alert lest they lose ground.  Some people could not muster any kindness, but chose instead to deface a family’s grief by using it for their own purposes. What would it have taken for everyone to put their opinions and fears aside and just respectfully shut up? Instead, we got reflexive yapping. No listening. No considering. Why? Because we fear giving an inch. Everyone is terrified of the slippery slope. There was some common ground, though it lasted just a moment.

·      Everyone agreed that what happened to that family was tragic beyond words. 

·      Everyone agreed that we must provide financial resources for mental health outreach.

·      Everyone agreed that we need more education on identifying marginalized individuals, reaching out to distressed people, and reporting concerns to appropriate authorities.  

That is a lot of common ground. It is not trivial, but obviously it is not enough. We must invest so much more of ourselves and take an honest look at our own rigid beliefs and the ways they wreak havoc on reason and moderation.

Even as I write this, I hear the fears a-rising, the arguments forming, the ears slamming shut. I know there will be rotten tomatoes coming my way from all directions. Well, I hate tomatoes, so they’re all rotten to me.* Just promise to read on first, then fling away.

On the abortion issue, many people are stuck in the middle, relating to feelings on both sides, attacked for daring to whisper doubts. I believe the main reason we cannot progress is because we fear some mythic slippery slope between us. That slope is anathema to both sides. And isn’t that just the thing? There aren’t “two” sides! There are lots of folks who fall somewhere in the middle. Who hears these voices? The rhetoric is so vitriolic that most are afraid to speak up for fear they’ll get ground up between two angry mobs. There are those who want an effective and fair abortion policy who are not at extreme pole positions. Those people must out-reason and, if necessary, out-shout the tantrums of extremists.

Do we have the courage to loosen the death grip on our own beliefs so that we can inch toward the place where our shared humanity resides? Or, will the tired old slippery slope phobia impede progress as it has done for years and decades and just forever? How’s that working for us? If we cannot step toward one another and unglue our feet, our great-grandchildren will still be yapping at one another.

If you are pro-choice: Choice means you also must support a family’s choice to consider their embryo/fetus a baby (and this is where you have to step out onto that slope) no matter its stage of development or viability. That family was not buying baby clothes for a fetus. Instead, many worried about how such a situation might affect policies. I imagine that many pro-choice advocates knew this was a crime against a much-wanted child. Lack of viability does not mitigate that loss. But, they still feared stepping onto that slippery slope would surely lead to outlawing abortions. What a conflicted position to be in, but maybe it’s an opportunity, too. Can you consider a flexible law rather than simply stonewalling? Will you be the voice of reason within your own movement? I can see the hairs rising on the backs of your necks from here. Yes, the horrible history of back-alley abortions should never be forgotten. Yes, dried-up-wealthy-old-white men should have no say in our personal lives.  But, is there any niggling discomfort with later term elective abortions? Accidental pregnancies happen, rapes cause pregnancies. In some cases, however, men and women could behave more responsibly. Is it okay to even mention that?  

If you are pro-life: Can you loosen your grip as well?  How? For one thing, by not using every tragedy as a weapon in your fight against abortions. That is not respect for life. That’s boorishness. And, for another thing, how about marching and shouting on behalf of the already born with the same determination? How about demanding sex education and available birth control for all instead of gutting institutions that provide such services? How about going after rapists with the same vigor you defend a resulting pregnancy? Do you care enough to give just a little and support policies that do not apply to all abortions? I imagine––I hope––that deep down inside, some pro-lifers realize an advanced pregnancy is simply not the same as cells at a cellular stage. I can hear the deafening sound of your "yes, buts" burbling up. Can you take a step back and stop fearing the slope? Can you spare some of that compassion for women in untenable positions?  And this is hard: can you accept that in the end, her decision is not your decision? Can you at least discuss options?

If even talking is off the table, we are doomed to keep shouting, feckless and angry. You can be proud of standing fast, but standing gets you nowhere.  By clinging to an all or nothing approach, you impede progress toward a reasonable law.

Here we stand, frozen on our respective cliffs, too frightened to step forward, fearing we will slide down and lose our beliefs, values, and respective asses forever. In this paralyzed state, we will never move toward a nuanced solution.  But, what if that chasm is not a scary slope? What if we make it a bridge and actually take a step or two toward the middle? Maybe that one step forward is simply listening more sincerely.

I believe that if we truly want progress, we as individuals must leave our frigid-rigid extremists frozen in place, warm ourselves up a little, and step toward one another without them.  

*   On a lighter note, here's a good article for us “mater haters” in Scientific American:

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/cocktail-party-physics/tasters-choice-why-i-hate-raw-tomatoes-and-you-dont/