🎵    MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS*    🎵

At this age, it’s hard to tell if you have achieved insight

after years of experience or you’re just crabby.

As a word or phrase gains popularity, sometimes it feels a little off. Maybe it’s simply overused. Maybe it’s accurate but just a little too precious. (The use of “inform” comes to mind, as in “that informs my entire career.” Another is “empowering” someone. Maybe your time is better spent figuring out why you have someone else’s power in the first place.) I realize it’s just an innocuous word or phrase getting under my skin, not anything obscene or crass. Still, it’s making me uncomfortable. It begins to make me twitch. Then, one day it happens. The insight! I realize why the phrase bugs me. Next day, I move right on to crabbiness; it starts to drive me nuts.

The current phrase causing me minor shudders is “making memories.” Those are not offensive words, but they grate on my ears. Why? Because words are not innocuous or casual; they have meaning and symbolism. They come from somewhere. In the past, one had experiences, adventures, unfortunate events, lovely moments, minor spills, and life changing encounters. And here is the insight part: you were present for those events or moments. You did them, felt them, went at them full tilt. You let the glorious sun on the beach beat down on your face. You felt your heart expand when you stepped to the edge of the Grand Canyon. You were changed by seeing the defeated face of someone sleeping on the sidewalk. You were not going through life thinking, “Oh, I can’t wait to paste that in my photo album.”

Now, I see many people doing things in front of cameras with absolutely no sense of the moment. They order children or friends to do things so they can look at the video later. Everyone's a movie director telling friends where to stand or how to pose. They postpone soaking up the moment; you can figure that out later when you look at the recording. But, can you really call up the moment, enjoy it, think about its impact if you were not truly present in the first place?

I recently observed a family of five celebrating their daughter’s birthday at a restaurant. She appeared to be about eight or nine years old. She had pizza, cake, presents, a little paper tiara, balloons. When they first sat down, the parents took some pictures. The event was duly recorded. The rest of the time, four family members had their noses glued to phones or ran to the video game room. The birthday girl sat unacknowledged with a very sad expression–for the entire birthday dinner. Good thing they have those photos to show her how much she was cherished on her birthday. See what a wonderful childhood you had, dear? I fear her real memory will be more authentic than those photos.

You don’t make memories; you live a full-on life. Memories take care of themselves.

*Memories are Made of This by Terry Gilkyson, Richard Dehr & Frank Miller, 1955; sung by Dean Martin, Jim Reeves, Johnny    

  Cash, The Everly Brothers

Here’s a little test: Think about going somewhere special or doing something wonderful and leaving cameras and phones at home. Feels like you forgot to put on your underwear.