Meeting the Legends

“Frugality includes all other virtues.”  

                                   Cicero

My husband used to tell of a fellow grad student who was famous for his frugality. If Cicero was right, this man was downright godly. When it was his turn to buy a round, he suddenly remembered he had to be somewhere. In four years, no one caught him picking up a check. Despite a long and distinguished academic career, it was his gift for protecting assets for which he was best known. ‘Twas legendary. I had never met this person but enjoyed hearing the stories when his former grad school buddies got together. This kind of behavior was well out of my wheelhouse. I come from a family in which arms have been lost fighting for the check. People arrange days in advance to make sure they get the bill at a restaurant; that is not hyperbole.

One day, this fellow called and said he and his wife were coming to visit. They asked if they could stay at our house. Of course, they could. After all, he was an old college buddy of my husband’s, and I wanted to meet the star of so many tales. I assumed he had outgrown his reputation since he was very successful and quite well off.

The couple arrived on schedule. They were serious sorts, very nice, but perhaps best suited to being extras at a movie funeral. Professional mourners. Sober in the midst of gaiety. Not given to fits of laughter. Well contained. Escapees from a Grant Wood painting. Dour, and not just any dour, but dour as the Scots say it, to rhyme with sewer.

The woman wanted to go to some auctions, but she didn’t want to put miles on her rental car. So, I spent a long day driving her around the Amish countryside, going from auction to auction. At the last one, she wanted to buy some blue canning jars but the lots were too big. “Could we bid together and then split them?” Thus, we became proud owners of enough blue jars to accommodate all the pickles and half the beets in Iowa. Back home, recovering from the heat and driving, I looked out the window and saw this woman lining up the jars in the driveway. She then cherry-picked about 20 of them, leaving me a terrific collection of cracked, chipped, and outright dangerous vessels. I put them in the garage and snickered a little. Later, a dear friend of theirs joined us for dinner and saw the jars. She said she’d like to have just one. Our guest went to the garage, produced one of my compromised jars, and sold it to her long-time friend for $5. We had paid $15 for about 50 of them.

Near the end of their visit, we held a party so this couple could see all their friends without traipsing all over town. The woman suggested she’d like to contribute something to the party since we had hosted them all week. She chose a fancy English trifle dessert. She spent the afternoon building it, using ingredients I had on hand. She found nearly everything she needed in our cupboards and fridge –the flour, eggs, cream, jam, sugar, vanilla, almonds–but was saddened to learn we had no strawberries on hand. Off she went to the store and returned with a big bag of frozen berries. And then, what did my thrifty guest do? She  gave me the bill so I could reimburse her. It’s always good when you meet a legend who does not disappoint.  

Finally, their visit was drawing to an end. “Let us take you out to dinner to thank you for your hospitality,” they said. Off we went, our guests, our family of five, and a child visiting our oldest son. They chose a pizza place. We enjoyed a nice dinner, and then I saw the check being transported across the dining room on its little tray. It was like seeing the Magna Carta approach our table. I was about to see an historical event­: they were picking up a check! They perused the pizza bill, then promptly prorated it. We were told our share would be 1/8^th of bill and 1/8^th of the tip; after all, our son had brought a guest. Turned out to be more of an hysterical event.

We had several more visits over the years; I can assure you that first one was not an aberration. These actually were very kind and decent folks. My guess is if you needed a kidney, they’d happily give you one. Plus, over the years, they have provided many entertaining stories and belly laughs for many people. And, isn’t it a mercy to the world that they found one another? Truly, how often do you get to meet the stuff of legends?