Ten Sales Pitches That Won't Work on Old People

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1.   It has a lifetime guarantee!

          At this point, the cottage cheese in my fridge pretty much               falls into that category.

2.   It adds to the resale value of your house!

          My next move is in an urn. The kids can worry about resale              value.

3.   You can purchase an extended warranty!

           Why? Is it gonna break?

4.   You'll feel like a new person!

          I do not need someone else to worry about.

5.   Your friends won't recognize you!

         We're darn near there already.

6.   As seen on TV!

          So is Sean Hannity.

7.   Your friends will envy you!

          See #5 above.

 

8.   Two for the price of one.

          Why? Is the first one gonna break?

9.   Money-back guarantee!

          Unlikely I'd be the one collecting that.

10.  The last one you'll ever have to buy!

          True of almost everything I can see from my recliner.